This is our advice column where readers write to us about their problems anonymously.

Writer: Hello! I need some advice. I want to try to make more friends next year because I feel I am missing out on a great high school experience. The thing is, idk how to make friends and always think everyone is judging me. And also making friends has kind of turned into a popularity contest. And it’s even worse when it comes to people who identify as male because then they look at me like I’m flirting with them when all I really want is to make a few friends! I also feel pretty lonely relationship wise but it’s because I can’t make friends haha! I hope you are having an amazing summer!

Response: 

Dear Writer, 

I hope you and everyone reading had an amazing summer as well! As for your situation, let’s get right in. 

Making friends is definitely the hardest part of school for a lot of people, so know you’re not the only one struggling with this. It’s normal to be scared to talk to others first in fear of judgment, but trust me when I say everyone has this fear, and don’t let it stop you from branching out. Most of the time people are too busy judging themselves to be judging others. You are your biggest critic. If you believe you’re an amazing person who anyone would be lucky enough to be friends with, then you are. (PS. You definitely are). 

My advice would be to just talk to people in your classes. Whether it’s a turn and talk or just a small convo, it opens the door to a possible friendship. You can also find someone by them self in your lunch and ask if you can sit with them. Sometimes people aren’t outgoing and rather have someone talk to them first. And that’s totally okay! So you can be the first person who talks to them. Everyone can use an extra friend in school. 

The “high school experience” is different for everyone. So don’t feel obligated to have the classic high school experience. It’s your high school years so make it your own and have fun.

As for popularity, that’s for you to decide if that’s important to you. Some people love having a bunch of friends and others like having 2 super close friends. At the end of the day, these years are all about you. Figure out who you are and just be yourself. I know it’s cliche but people who would be great friends will gravitate towards you when you are yourself. You are still so young, so remember you have years to find friends or a partner. But for now, be yourself and talk to others. 

I hope you make all the friends you want and need!  Remember these are your years, make them your own. Thank you so much for writing and please submit another response if needed. That goes for everyone reading !!! 

Here’s to a great start to the school year!

XOXO,

Teagan with the Tea