Sometimes I like to think I could easily do Gary Bettman’s job, and as commissioner, here are ten things I’d change, to make the league more exciting and fresh.
Number one: What is future considerations… sorry Chris Dury, you’re not Emily Dickinson— nobody doesn’t qualify for trades.
Number two: If I can email my senator, why can’t I email the refs. I would make a joint inbox for you to write them.
Number three: No going back off the ice after subbing, like soccer once you are out you are out— however each team is allowed three EBUP— that’s right, now three local rec league players get to be a emergency back-up player.
Number four: All-Star game re-haul. No Hockey. All player’s must show personality— in a series of acting challenge until one remains, winning the cash prize.
Number five: I’m sick of Devils fans, so they have 2 options: A. Jack Hughes, and Kaapo Kakko step into a ring of some sort, or B. The Atlanta Thrashers get a third shot
Number six: Refs are allowed to force one player with over sixty penalty minutes to ref a playoff game.
Number seven: Matt Rempe is the face of the NHL. I am sick of Connor McDavid. Jimmy Vesey is an acceptable alternative.
Number eight: All player’s must live in a large mansion and be filmed 24/7 for reality TV until the NHL has the funds to raise the salary cap
Number nine: Player’s are required to alternate brands of equipment, and order of putting on equipment weekly
Number ten: The name Nickleback, and all things related are banned.
Number eleven: All players must read one book a month, and discuss it. Translations will be provided.
Number twelve: Sidney Crosby will be traded to one Penguins hating team monthly.
